I’ve had a bunch of random thoughts lately, and no time to write them down (procrastinating now), so here we go:

I was riding on the bus and I was wondering… what if the bus driver has to go pee… what does s/he do? Sometimes at work, I go to the bathroom every hour. I cannot drive a bus.

Something I thought of. Feel free to use:
Girl: I’m tired. I don’t want to walk anymore.
Guy: Then why don’t you fly?
Girl: Fly?
Guy: Don’t angels have wings?

As winter nears, and the level of my physical activity decreases, I thought it would be a good idea to have a running buddy…
(maybe her?)

But ultimately, it probably would end up like this:

How to Detect Lies
Become a Lie Detector
——————————–
Introduction to Detecting Lies:

The following techniques to telling if someone is lying are often used by police, and security experts. This knowledge is also useful for managers, employers, and for anyone to use in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.

Warning: Sometimes Ignorance is bliss; after gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you.

Signs of Deception:
Body Language of Lies:
• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.
• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.
• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.

Emotional Gestures & Contradiction
• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.
• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says “I love it!” when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.
• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”
• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.

Interactions and Reactions
• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.
• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.
• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content
• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”
• A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “I didn’t do it” instead of “I did not do it”
• Liars sometimes avoid “lying” by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.
• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you… they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.
• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.
• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other
words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

Other signs of a lie:
• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.
• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

Final Notes:
Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.

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I have proof that evolution does not exist:

Ugly pregnant women.

How is that natural selection? It would be an insult to nature.

Yesterday, I saw a woman so fat she took up two seats on the bus. FOR REAL! And when you’re in the subway, and you see a fat person eyeing the small seat next to you, do you panic? What if s/he sat down next to you? Can you get up? It would add insult to their obesity. But maybe that’ll make them try to change their diet and physical regimen.

I’ll be the first to admit it. Hi, I’m Dan, and I’m fat. I was on the right track to losing my excess weight, but I just got back from a Chinese wedding banquet, and my diet is set back a month. Now I understand why girls fret over gaining 5 pounds. It’s not easy to lose!!! (unless I was on the Biggest Loser, but alas I’m not so dedicated to exercise).

In college, we joked that if we were fat, it meant we were happy. Fat doesn’t equal happy. Fat means I’m eating too much. But food tastes so goooooooood. Especially home cooking…

Usually, when you see a pimped out ride and a black dude blasting tunes from his ride, you expect some hip-hop, rap, or r&b. BUT, last week, I heard the guy blasting Celion Dion… I did a double take just to make sure my ears weren’t tricking me, but there it was… Celion Dion. A few days later, in Harlem, I saw another guy in his pimped out ride blasting Celine!!! Is there a Celine Dion revival I don’t know about? Is it cool to blast her music from your car?

40 tunes, 8 difficulty levels: (Nov 7 for PS2, spring 2007 for Xbox 360)

1. Opening Licks
Motley Crue - Shout at the Devil
Danzig - Mother
Cheap Trick - Surrender
Wolfmother - Woman
Spinal Tap - Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight

2. Amp-Warmers
Kiss - Strutter
Nirvana - Heart-Shaped Box
Police - Message in a Bottle
Van Halen - You Really Got Me
Kansas - Carry on Wayward Son

3. String-Snappers
Foo Fighters - Monkey Wrench
Alice in Chains - Them Bones
Iggy Pop and the Stooges - Search and Destroy
Pretenders - Tattooed Love Boys
Black Sabbath - War Pigs

4. Thrash and Burn
Warrant - Cherry Pie
Butthole Surfers - Who Was in My Room Last Night
Mathew Sweet - Girlfriend
Rolling Stones - Can’t You Hear Me Knockin’
Guns N’ Roses - Sweet Child O’ Mine

5. Return of the Shred
Rage Against the Machine - Killing in the Name Of
Primus - John the Fisherman
Sword - Freya
Thin Lizzy - Bad Reputation
Aerosmtih - Last Child

6. Relentless Riffs
Heart - Crazy on You
Stone Temple Pilots - Tripping on a Hole in a Paper Heart
Stray Cats - Rock This Town
Allman Brothers - Jessica
Jane’s Addiction - Stop

7. Furious Fretwork
Anthrax - Madhouse
Living End - Carry Me Home
Lamb of God - Laid to Rest
Reverend Horton Heat - Psychobilly Freakout
Rush - YYZ

8. Face-Melters
Avenged Sevenfold - Beast and the Harlot
Suicidal Tendencies - Institutionalized
Dick Dale - Misirlou
Megadeth - Hangar 18
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird

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